i am invincible

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treehouse

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while he was bathing, Phoenix was drawing on the walls with water. 

he announced, " I'm building a DANGEROUS treehouse. and you can't touch it because it's going to be nothing special."

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last night in the bath:

"My left foot kicked water in my face so I named him Gilbert."

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"I marched my little butt to the bathroom.
And that was good for the butt."

"Mom, Gypsy won't eat me.
Welllll, maybe for my BIRTHDAY."

one liner day

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"The LIBRARY is GREAT!"

"I need some PRIVACY."

a unicorn and a wolf

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In an effort to prevent Phoenix from screaming at whim, I recounted the tale of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I finished by saying that we should only scream if we need help. His reply: "Oh! There might be UNICORNS outside!"

Amanda Palmer's Radiohead covers with ukelele

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Mommy, why is that THING SCREAMING?

That's called a crescendo.

Ok. Why is THAT THING screaming?

What's your name?

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What's your name, Mommy? What's your name? What's your name?


Melissa.


Oh. My name is Cabbage Susie.

discerning

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today, while eating some mashed sweet potatoes, phoenix inquired, "are these organic?"

anatomy

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this morning Phoenix has been running around wearing only a shirt and socks.  at one point he looked down and shouted,

"whoa, that's a big weenie!  that's a snowman!!!"

a request

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"daddy, can i stop taking naps when i'm five?"

carrots

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today Phoenix and i were looking over the garden, which i'm readying for another round of planting. i was telling him about the carrots i was considering. he interrupted me;

"daddy, i don't want you to plant the purple haze carrots. the orange ones are my favorite. i don't like the purple haze carrots anymore. the orange ones taste better."

nantes it is.

tonight, while readying for bed

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"i love you. daddy you're my best friend. mommy is my second best friend."

while eating an apple

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"don't bite my rainbow!"

construction work

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"Are you building a house with those blocks?"

"No, I'm building a Trader Joe's!"

the voices

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this morning while changing Phoenix, his stomach rumbled.

he said, "daddy did you hear that? that was my tummy growling. that means i'm STARVING!"

"how did you know that it means you're starving?" i chuckled.

"my head told me that."

Jiminy Cricket

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phoenix, while holding a fork to his ear,

"I'm listening to my conscience. I am MY conscience. You are YOUR conscience."

bacon wrapped asparagus

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m. has been encouraging me to photograph my food for as long as i've known her - nearly 5 years now. lately i'm two bites into dinner when i remember that i want to take a picture. after seeing what our new camera can do tonight, i've decided: a food blog for me, soon.

as you can see, tonight i made grilled bacon wrapped asparagus and shiitake mushrooms with rice. i bumped up the rice by adding some of the bacon fat to the cooking water.

this was a dinner specified by the boy himself - well kind of. he asked for asparagus, rice and bacon.

he was holding two spears in his hands - one long, with the tip and one short, bitten off sharply. he said, bouncing the longer spear, "I am the father. Phoenix hasn't bitten me yet."

to which the little spear replied, "I'm the little brother."

while in the garden

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our landlord recently had the property cleaned up by a landscaper. today Phoenix explored the formerly overgrown regions while carrying his bubble wand. he found himself a perfectly proportioned nook between two trees and plopped down.

while waving his bubble wand, Phoenix announced "I'm in the forest. I'm the king of the world!"

berkeley boy

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Yesterday, this well-dressed young man gave me his spiel about needing money for food. As a New Yorker who has grown impervious to these requests while walking through Downtown Berkeley - i know, i'm a heartless asshole - I simply replied "No." Phoenix, on backup from the stroller chimed: "Not today!" 

emotional nachos

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Phoenix has been somewhat picky about food lately. but as usual, i plowed forward with my culinary efforts. tonight was a fun dinner of nachos - a first for Phoenix. they consisted of pinto beans, ground pork, onion, salsa fresca, monterey jack cheese, roasted red bell pepper and avocado.

at first, he was skeptical and somewhat uninterested. after some time to poke and explore, he finally ate some. he responded, "Interesting dinner, Daddy." i was thrilled.

then after some enthusiastic eating, he quipped, "Awesome dinner, Daddy. I love you!"

i blubbered in my nachos, swept up by a moment that i didn't know i had been waiting my whole life to have.

you, too

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following a long and easily distracted breakfast, Phoenix finally decided he was finished. i wiped off his hands and said, "okay, you can get down now. peace out."

climbing out of his chair he replies, "i want to play in my room. and i want you to peace out in my room, too."

brown bag guinea pig

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This was announced yesterday during lunch:
"There was a guinea pig in the classroom. I just need to talk about that."

super powers

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while walking home from preschool today, the boy announced:

"red means go and green means stop! that's my super power!"

poetry blocks

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The boy received this awesome set of stacking blocks for his birthday.  Each block has a gorgeous rendering of a nature scene and a short poem. Every time I tried to read him one of the poems, he nested that block inside a larger block. This went on for a few minutes. Finally, I asked him why he didn't want me to read the poems. He said "Bye Bye Poems! Yucky Poems!"

i love you

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Me: I love you, Phoenix.

Him: NO! Don't talk to me right NOW. I'm busy.

jesus figure

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He was at Grandma's getting into the nativity set. He picked up the baby Jesus figurine, and asked my mom:"What's this?" She told him and he replied: "THAT'S NOT BABY JESUS!" and promptly flung it across the room into a glass of water.

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that's not my penis! that's not my PENIS!