The Daily Phoenix

women's lib

2011-08-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

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Last night, during a game of Chutes and Ladders, I got schooled by the 4.5 yr old.

M: I want to be this lady, and you can be this lady.

P: She's not a lady, Mom. She's a woman.

trikeing

2011-05-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

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Mom, can you stop the bike? I have to pick my nose.

NO! I am NOT hilarious!

2011-03-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

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"The mirror is abstract space."

Long pause.

"What does that mean?"

first mention of imaginary friend - January 2011

2011-03-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

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"Peter, the dog who looks like an apple - but is black and stinky and tries to kiss me."

i am invincible

2010-12-29T23:33:00.000-08:00

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2010-12-29T22:11:00.000-08:00

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2010-09-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

treehouse

2010-09-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

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while he was bathing, Phoenix was drawing on the walls with water.

he announced, " I'm building a DANGEROUS treehouse. and you can't touch it because it's going to be nothing special."

2010-09-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

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last night in the bath:

"My left foot kicked water in my face so I named him Gilbert."

2010-09-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

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"I marched my little butt to the bathroom.
And that was good for the butt."

"Mom, Gypsy won't eat me.
Welllll, maybe for my BIRTHDAY."

one liner day

2010-09-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

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"The LIBRARY is GREAT!"

"I need some PRIVACY."

a unicorn and a wolf

2010-07-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

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In an effort to prevent Phoenix from screaming at whim, I recounted the tale of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I finished by saying that we should only scream if we need help. His reply: "Oh! There might be UNICORNS outside!"

Amanda Palmer's Radiohead covers with ukelele

2010-07-21T16:45:00.000-07:00

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Mommy, why is that THING SCREAMING?

That's called a crescendo.

Ok. Why is THAT THING screaming?

What's your name?

2010-07-09T11:12:00.000-07:00

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What's your name, Mommy? What's your name? What's your name?

Melissa.

Oh. My name is Cabbage Susie.

discerning

2010-07-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

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today, while eating some mashed sweet potatoes, phoenix inquired, "are these organic?"

anatomy

2010-06-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

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this morning Phoenix has been running around wearing only a shirt and socks. at one point he looked down and shouted,

"whoa, that's a big weenie! that's a snowman!!!"

a request

2010-06-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

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"daddy, can i stop taking naps when i'm five?"

carrots

2010-06-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

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today Phoenix and i were looking over the garden, which i'm readying for another round of planting. i was telling him about the carrots i was considering. he interrupted me;

"daddy, i don't want you to plant the purple haze carrots. the orange ones are my favorite. i don't like the purple haze carrots anymore. the orange ones taste better."

nantes it is.

tonight, while readying for bed

2010-05-16T20:40:00.001-07:00

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"i love you. daddy you're my best friend. mommy is my second best friend."

while eating an apple

2010-05-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

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"don't bite my rainbow!"

construction work

2010-05-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

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"Are you building a house with those blocks?"

"No, I'm building a Trader Joe's!"

the voices

2010-05-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

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this morning while changing Phoenix, his stomach rumbled.

he said, "daddy did you hear that? that was my tummy growling. that means i'm STARVING!"

"how did you know that it means you're starving?" i chuckled.

"my head told me that."

Jiminy Cricket

2010-04-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

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phoenix, while holding a fork to his ear,

"I'm listening to my conscience. I am MY conscience. You are YOUR conscience."

bacon wrapped asparagus

2010-04-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

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m. has been encouraging me to photograph my food for as long as i've known her - nearly 5 years now. lately i'm two bites into dinner when i remember that i want to take a picture. after seeing what our new camera can do tonight, i've decided: a food blog for me, soon.

as you can see, tonight i made grilled bacon wrapped asparagus and shiitake mushrooms with rice. i bumped up the rice by adding some of the bacon fat to the cooking water.

this was a dinner specified by the boy himself - well kind of. he asked for asparagus, rice and bacon.

he was holding two spears in his hands - one long, with the tip and one short, bitten off sharply. he said, bouncing the longer spear, "I am the father. Phoenix hasn't bitten me yet."

to which the little spear replied, "I'm the little brother."

while in the garden

2010-04-24T17:45:00.001-07:00

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our landlord recently had the property cleaned up by a landscaper. today Phoenix explored the formerly overgrown regions while carrying his bubble wand. he found himself a perfectly proportioned nook between two trees and plopped down.

while waving his bubble wand, Phoenix announced "I'm in the forest. I'm the king of the world!"

berkeley boy

2010-04-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

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Yesterday, this well-dressed young man gave me his spiel about needing money for food. As a New Yorker who has grown impervious to these requests while walking through Downtown Berkeley - i know, i'm a heartless asshole - I simply replied "No." Phoenix, on backup from the stroller chimed: "Not today!"

emotional nachos

2010-04-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

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Phoenix has been somewhat picky about food lately. but as usual, i plowed forward with my culinary efforts. tonight was a fun dinner of nachos - a first for Phoenix. they consisted of pinto beans, ground pork, onion, salsa fresca, monterey jack cheese, roasted red bell pepper and avocado.

at first, he was skeptical and somewhat uninterested. after some time to poke and explore, he finally ate some. he responded, "Interesting dinner, Daddy." i was thrilled.

then after some enthusiastic eating, he quipped, "Awesome dinner, Daddy. I love you!"

i blubbered in my nachos, swept up by a moment that i didn't know i had been waiting my whole life to have.

you, too

2010-04-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

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following a long and easily distracted breakfast, Phoenix finally decided he was finished. i wiped off his hands and said, "okay, you can get down now. peace out."

climbing out of his chair he replies, "i want to play in my room. and i want you to peace out in my room, too."

brown bag guinea pig

2010-04-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

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This was announced yesterday during lunch:
"There was a guinea pig in the classroom. I just need to talk about that."

super powers

2010-04-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

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while walking home from preschool today, the boy announced:

"red means go and green means stop! that's my super power!"

poetry blocks

2010-03-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

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The boy received this awesome set of stacking blocks for his birthday. Each block has a gorgeous rendering of a nature scene and a short poem. Every time I tried to read him one of the poems, he nested that block inside a larger block. This went on for a few minutes. Finally, I asked him why he didn't want me to read the poems. He said "Bye Bye Poems! Yucky Poems!"

i love you

2010-02-17T13:20:00.000-08:00

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Me: I love you, Phoenix.

Him: NO! Don't talk to me right NOW. I'm busy.

jesus figure

2010-01-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

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He was at Grandma's getting into the nativity set. He picked up the baby Jesus figurine, and asked my mom:"What's this?" She told him and he replied: "THAT'S NOT BABY JESUS!" and promptly flung it across the room into a glass of water.

2010-01-03T20:46:00.003-08:00

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that's not my penis! that's not my PENIS!

moon

2009-12-28T13:29:00.001-08:00

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what's it CALLED?

2009-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

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What's it CALLED? What's it CALLED, Mama? What's it CALLED? What's it CALLED? What's it CALLED, Mama? What's it CALLED? What's it CALLED, Mama?
Tree.
Tree.Trees.Trees.Moon. MOON! MOON! MOON! I see you up there, MOON! What U DOING, MOON?

PLEAAASE? PLEAASE, me watch DORA?

the monster who ate cookies

2009-12-07T10:52:00.001-08:00

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K: What do you want to do to make money?

P: Eat COOKIES!

yesterday

2009-12-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

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while walking home from the Y, we stopped to look at the moon, and talked about how it was full, and how big it loomed. we moved on, and he cried out for the moon to follow us. i told him it would.
we reached our block, and there it was.

Phoenix: Hiii Moon!
Moon:
Phoenix: You walking home? Yeah.
Moon:
Phoenix: You want come inside? You play? Drink tea, yeah?

Don't let the Toddler Stay Up Late!

2009-11-25T13:52:00.000-08:00

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I not tired.

I DAH BAH DOHN!

Um, is there a linguist in the house?
Someone call Pinker, stat.

MooNs

2009-11-23T11:21:00.000-08:00

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'What are YOU doing up there, MOON?

Hi Moon,
How are you doing up there?

Moon! Are you coming?

Moon! Follow me.

Mommy Moon.

Hiii MOON!
I SEE you UP there, MOON!

see saw semi mosh pit

2009-11-20T13:30:00.003-08:00

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these are all quotes from today:

2009-11-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

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Ya want jelly?

Ya want jelly on your face?

I''m carefuling!

I'm drawing.
Leave me alone.

Thank you, Water!

Sorry, ice cream!

tonight's dinner conversation

2009-11-09T21:36:00.000-08:00

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I no like people. No like Daddy, no like Mommy, no like Gypsy. I like trees.

A Daily Muppet

2009-11-04T20:45:00.001-08:00

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No YIKE Don Knotts!

I like Steve Martin bettah.

hoops with the boys

2009-10-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

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i'll EAT you UP!

2009-10-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

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Last night he faked like he was going to kiss my bent back but bit me instead.
Then he tried to eat the moles on my face.

Big Boy Day

2009-10-14T13:34:00.000-07:00

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First day of playgroup.
First visit to the dentist.
First milk trail. Puddles.

*

2009-10-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

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Me: What makes the moon grow?
Phoenix: Apples on it!

Neeix Goo Goo

2009-09-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

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Last week, my mom told him that she misses holding him like a baby.
She scooped him up, cradled him and cooed "Gooo goo ga ga ga ga"

This week:
HBA chick at Berkeley Bowl: What's your name?
Phoenix: I'm Neeix. A goo goo gagaga.

yesterday's new phrases uttered within five minutes

2009-09-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

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MAMA HANDSOME! MAMA HANDSOME! MAMA HANDSOME TOO!

Hello!
Hello Toe!

When I'm older, I drink coffee like Mommy.

naptime birdsong

2009-08-29T22:01:00.000-07:00

"You're my AAAnGHELL"

"You're Myyy AAnGGELLL"

today I got the lullaby.

today I got the cuddles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it's been two weeks since i weaned him.
two weeks of inventions and new routines.

now, there is "Cuddlespot"
now, there is "Sheriff Night Light"*
now, there is a boy who sometimes refers to me as "Elissa" and "a lady"**

today, a boy who cuddled and hugged me where he used to headbutt and kick me.
today, a boy who sang me a song in which i was his angel.

*(i know you're just dying to see a photo of Sheriff Night Light. someday i will take a photograph and post it and you will sigh with contentment.)

**i have been encouraging him to say "Woman".

Andy Warhol's Colors

2009-08-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

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I bought this for Phoenix at MOMA when he was just a teeny wee one,
about 6 mos old or so. It's a great book for teaching kids about
identifying colors, as well as art, or at least, a perspective on art.

Phoenix loves it, and sometimes requests it while I'm changing him.
(He always requests a book or two during diaper changes;
it's the only way he will stay still.)

Yesterday, he asked for it by name: "Andy Whore Hole."
Yes, buddy. Exactly...

white space, blue space

2009-08-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

phoenix is a punk cracker

2009-07-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

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overregularization (i think)

2009-07-21T14:56:00.000-07:00

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Doggie.

WOOFING!

new phrases yesterday

2009-07-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

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on the bus: "BACK! DOOR!"

on line at Berkeley Bowl: "HELLO. KITTY."

en route to bed: "SUPER. MAN."

and for those of you who have seen Meet the Fockers, all of these phrases were said in the tone and cadence of "ASS. HOLE."

out of his nose and into my hand

2009-07-13T14:14:00.001-07:00

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His new thing is stuffing food up his nose. Fun.
We were at TJ's the other day ~~buying stuff~~stealing free coffee, and he told me "ALMOND! NOSE! UP THERE!"
My response was "Dude, you're kidding me right?"
I eventually relented enough to investigate.
We became a team and co-blew his nose for a few minutes, but that sucker wasn't budging.
He seemed fine, so I quickly finished our shopping and got on line to pay.
Once on line, I tried again and we blew and blew. I could see the head!
Just as the checker waved the paddle, and called "NEXT!", he shot that almond into my palm.

2009-07-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

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We've reached the third tier of NO.
It's not pretty.

moon, please.

2009-07-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

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What would you like for breakfast this morning, Phoenix?

The moon!

ANTS!

2009-07-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

he ate one yesterday.

a handful of wist

2009-07-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

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i look at you in pictures and i see what i pretend not to see when you are here.
you are a boy now.
all signs of baby are gradually dissipating from your demeanor, your hair, your cheeks.
your legs are so delightfully hairy.
you kiss girls at the lake and we smile but soon you will be on dates, on picnics, and kissing girls and oh my. we're going to have to let you.

THAT'S MUPPETAINMENT!

2009-06-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

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Last night I was running around making dinner, cleaning the tub for his bath, and doing laundry - hey, he helped - and I got some great comic relief.
He stole my sunglasses, put them on and barged into the bathroom to tell me "I'M COOL." I laughed and snuck a peek into the living room. He had made makeshift drums out of a plastic mail carrier box and was beating away on them with two whisks. Yes, he was still wearing the sunglasses. He was also watching the Muppet show.

On the subject of muppets, he has been backing me up when I sing " MAH NAH NAH NAH"
by singing "du du du du."

The duet I have always wanted. I love that kid.

maisy nap

2009-06-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

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We read Sweet Dreams, Maisy at naptime today. When we got to the part where Maisy has to go home, he managed his anticipated whimpering, knowing this meant playtime was all done for the day. However, when we reached the page which showed Maisy in bed, he tore the book from my hands and yelled "NOOOOOO!!! UP UP UP!!" Apparently, he was trying to rescue Maisy from the perils of napping.

two fingers pointing at the sky

2009-06-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

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he signed starfish and promptly fell asleep.

phoenix-sized cubby

2009-06-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

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On our first night at the cabin in Tahoe, Phoenix acclimated well to his new environment:

NEW WORDS this week

2009-06-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

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off the top of my head, here are words he is pronouncing with 97% (or greater) accuracy:

manual
asshole
minute
bitch
fuck
awesome

serious.

i learned it from watching you.

2009-06-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

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On Friday night my mom caught him telling Elmo: "I MEAN IT!"

NEW WORDS

2009-06-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

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Here are some new words and phrases that Phoenix has acquired, and has been pronouncing clearly in the past week:

RHINOCEROS
EPHEMERAL
R2D2
LISTEN
COUNT
WANT
MUSHROOM
HOPE
BATHROOM
TRADER JOE'S
HOORAY
BEACH

"MAMA MOUNTAIN"
"I NEED THIS"
"I AM READING"
"I WANT THIS"
"MY WAFFLES"
"UP HIGH"

TODDLER!!

2009-06-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

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Why is throwing everything on the floor a favorite pastime of toddlers?
There are pinecones, baskets, little men, Legos, flash cards and plastic everywhere!
HELP!!
PLEASE send a housekeeper and a nanny to Moss Avenue.

MONARCH

2009-06-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

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Last week at Frog Park with Phoenix. The monarch who circled us.

I felt like Mary Poppins telling the kids “Check out the butterfly!”

Bewildering to expect monarch to fly off each time he circled back.

Impatient to deal with the loss.

Joy to be there as he fluttered our eyelashes and ears.

It must have gone on for twenty minutes. Circling. Fluttering. Flying just out of reach.

Camouflaging on a nearby leaf. What a tease that guy was. And what an entertainer! He kept three boys entranced for some time. They looked for the monarch long after it had flown away.

Yesterday we visited again but no monarchs.

Phoenix:

"BUTTERFLY!

MAMA!

BUTTERFLY!

MAMA!"

o dear Wonder.

He is remembering,

KIDS WILL SELL YOU OUT Part One

2009-05-27T13:58:00.000-07:00

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Yesterday at the Berkeley Farmer's Market, after a missed nap, a belly full of chicken, brown rice, strawberries and other foodstuff I am forgetting, Phoenix was exhausted. I got on line to pay for some sugar snap peas, and left my mom to man the stroller. When he caught sight of me (I had been pushing him for some time, and thereby out of his view) his eyes rolled back in his head and he exclaimed "DORA!" Except he didn't pronounce it Dora, but DOYA! as in GOYA, OH BOYA, and all drawn out. Over and over "DOYA!"

This has become one of the universal Phoenixisms for "HOLY GOD, WHY AM I STILL AWAKE?", along with a request for "boos coos" (Blue's Clue's) and "i peam" (ice cream).
So, it was not like I had never heard it before. Nevertheless, it was startling. Immediately, the implication, to my mind, was "BAD PARENT! BAD PARENT!"

Guy on line in front of me: "Dora, huh?"
Me with head in hands: "Um, yeah."
Guy: "I really like the Backyardigans"
Me: "Oh yes, me too. And Jack's Big Music Show isn't bad either. Oh, and Wonder Pets...
AAAHHHHHHH, wait a damn..., oh crap.....
Sellout.

Part aversion to pre-packaged templates of fun, part fear of being hanged at the organic mecca which is the Berkeley Farmer's Market, and part irritation that he has become hooked on the show so easily and requests it daily, we have scaled back the Dora watching.
Dude, that bitch mispronounces words. We realized this after he started calling the beach "the beak." Not cool.

It was fun for a while. On our daily adventures, Phoenix got a kick out of calling me Dora, and I called him Boots.
We even entertained the idea of Halloween costumes where Phoenix was Boots, I was Dora, Kevin was (well, not really, but ok, maybe) Diego.
You know, cause of Phoenix. Right.
Forget it.
Down with Dora.

good morning starshine

2009-05-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

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Uber-destructive lately. Ripped pages out of four different books in two days, one of which was a photo album of his first birthday. After discovering the first two books were ripped (The Very Hungry Caterpillar and GALLOP!) and explaining why this was unacceptable (books are for READING!), it was time for a diaper change and he was not havin it.
Don't know why, but the lyrics for Good Morning Starshine came to me (a memento from 5th grade chorus class), and I sang it to him. He was entranced: "MORE! MORE! MORE!" and did not want to get off the changing table when he was done. Usually, he tries to jump or climb off.

Here are the lyrics, for those challenging diaper changes or your own personal amusement:

Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below

Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song

Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song

Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below

Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song

Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song

Singing a song
Humming a song
Singing a song
Loving a song
Laughing a song
Singing a song
Sing the song
Song song song sing
Sing sing sing sing song

bookdevilworm

2009-05-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

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Oatmeal for breakfast.
As soon as I got up from sitting at the table with Phoenix to go pour coffee in the kitchen, he dumped his bowl over and made it into a drum. Gypsy (our cat) ate some of what fell on the carpet. I cleaned him up, went back to the kitchen. He climbed back into his high chair, knocked his giant thermos of milk onto the carpet, climbed down and danced in the puddle.
Two minutes later, he asked if he could go "in his room and read a book."

"I READ I READ I READ!"

SUN

2009-05-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

phoenix::sun

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"the heads are yellow"

jesus lives in my kid's painting

2009-05-22T21:13:00.001-07:00

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I see things in things. I think the term is pareidolia.
Wait, just a sec... Ah, here.

I like to think of this as though things that touch other things leave their imprint somewhere; perhaps beneath a layer or four; sometimes deep under the palimpsest, sometimes hanging out on top to be observed. I like finding these images and shapes; it helps me connect the particles of the multiverse, and sometimes lends meaning to seemingly random multitudes of fucked-up-ness. However, my ability to see these shapes is not unique (as can be seen from the definition) and does not come from a place of desire. It is also not a wish to anthropomorphise or shape a preexisting thing. It's my mind, tells me this belongs with this, and that has touched this.

Sometimes it's a person, sometimes it's a ghost or a witch, and right now it's a man who looks like a Catholic version of Jesus. I know, WTF.
I AM Italian and was raised Catholic, but I do not currently practice any particular religion, nor do I necessarily believe in Jesus or even God for that matter. I do think though that if Jesus does exist, he might just live in a kid's painting.
Shit. I mean, I would.

vocab word for today - MOONTNS

2009-05-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Daily Phoenix, a space where I will post adventures, challenges, sillies and the growing lexicon of my son Phoenix, age 2. He is in fact 27 months old to be exact, but I would prefer to stop referring to his age in months. Where does one draw the line with this, anyway? I'm hoping for at least age 3.

On to today's vocab word. For the last two weeks, he has been saying a new word, for which my husband Kevin has decided is most likely spelled: MOONTNS. Periodically, during this time, Kevin and I have paused mid-unrelated-conversation to ask "MOONTNS, what is a MOONTNS?" Sometimes even while talking with coworkers and greeting guests. Needless to say, it has perplexed us muchly.
Well today, we have a fair idea of what a MOONTNS is. According to Phoenix, it is a "mountain of bubbles." Which I can only surmise was said bemusedly to Kevin as in "What, you didn't know that?" So there you have it.

Our first vocab word on the Daily Phoenix:

MOONTNS - a mountain of bubbles